Names
by LadyKakuHida
Summary: AU. Tobi had nicknames for everyone. Whether they knew about them or not was another story.


**Done for the 100 Challenge ^^. It's more me getting to grips with my version of Tobi (he's not that different, don't worry XD) than an actual story but I sort of like it. I know I said I'd put a SasoDei up but I hate it ¬¬. Seriously. I officially can not write SasoDei. Or Sasori and Deidara at all actually D: I will get it eventually though! Right, story, so er, enjoy?**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or any of the other stuff mentioned ^^  
**

Tobi had nicknames for everyone. Whether they knew about them or not was irrelevant. He had learnt the hard way that not all of them were very happy about his names for them, so he gave them new ones in public and kept his (which fit them much better in his opinion) in his head.

Deidara was originally Onee-chan, going back to Tobis original Japanese roots. But for whatever reason, he didn't like being referred to as a girl by Tobi. He wasn't bothered when Sasori called him one; it must be an Uchiha thing, because he didn't like Itachi doing it either. Deidara had, after quite a few beatings, been changed to Senpai, still sticking with his roots. Granted the feminine boy still wasn't happy, but he had stopped beating him with one of Sasoris arms whenever he came in range.

Sasori himself was, in Tobis' mind, stoned permanently. Thus came his nickname, Mary. Oddly enough only Kakuzu knew what he had meant. Although he was experienced with that sort of thing, so that might have been why. Although he didn't actually know the reasoning behind 'Mary', he still didn't want a girl's name. And so Sasoris was changed. To Chucky. Tobi himself didn't fully understand it but Hidan had assured him that it was fitting. He had also offered to let Tobi watch something with him but Kakuzu had dragged him off, shouting at him about preserving innocence.

Kakuzu was initially Jason, which he didn't seem to have a problem with; in fact he actually seemed to be quite fond of it. They both had violent, murderous tendencies and they both wore a mask. Except Tobi had actually seen Jason's face, only Hidan has seen Kakuzus, though he wouldn't tell anyone what it was like. There was currently a plot being formed to get it off, although only Hidan, Sasori and Tobi were involved. The only one who had anything against it was Hidan, who claimed Jason was nowhere near badass enough and had forced Tobi to choose another name. Super Jason was accepted (reluctantly on Kakuzus part) by both.

Hidan had quite a few around school; Psycho, Zealot, Freak. None of them original or remotely intelligent, but you could hardly expect anything more from those who actually addressed him as such. Tobi however, always called him an albino angel, due to his hair and borderline insane devotion to Jashin. Until he found out that is. He had bitched and complained and whined so much eventually Kakuzu had demanded Tobi give him another one. By that time they had figured out Tobi had nicknames for all of them and were all curious as to what theirs were, but would have to wait until Hidan was bestowed one of Tobis 'super special awesome spur of the moment' names. And, after much waiting he was crowned 'Dead, Only Unsurprised 'Cause He's Epic'. Douche for short, though Tobi never was good at acronyms.

Itachi had, at first, been given the title 'The Great Cat Dodger' in reference to Sasukes constant attempts to kill his brother by throwing the furry little bastards at him, and Itachis uncanny ability to avoid every single one. He had honed his skills so well in fact, that all one had to do was meow and he would go into what they had called ninja mode, which involved being very twitchy and on edge. Usually this wouldn't be so entertaining, but since it was Itachi who usually showed about as much emotion as a pineapple, it was a highly amusing scene. He had not actually complained out loud about his nickname, but the glares promising death by the most painful means possible were kind of hard to miss, even to Tobi. Tobi, unsure of what else he could call his older cousin had gone back to basics and stuck him with the name 'Weasel'. It still got him glares promising a death by only moderately painful means, but that was good enough for the geek.

Kisame was surprisingly hard, despite his peculiar appearance. Tobi knew from sleeping in the room next to Itachi when the taller boy came round to sleep that he could be quite sensitive and since he liked Kisame, he didn't want to upset him. He had considered all of his interests to see if that would help any. Zombies, cooking, animals and swimming, none of which really helped much. He had considered naming him after a character from a game but for whatever reason the only characters that came to find were female and he knew from experience that giving them a title of the opposite gender would end in pain. In the end, he had settled on a simple 'Same and the plainness of it irritated him, he would think of a good one eventually.

Konan was easy, she had gotten Hana-chan. Tobi had, again, gone back to his Japanese roots. Though he stuck to calling her Flower out loud, so to not get Hidan pissed for speaking a language other than English. When she first heard it she had stared at him for a second with a strange smile on her face, then she had chuckled and ruffled the younger boys' hair sisterly. Pain was also easy, Leader. Though Tobi was not above calling him Ron, because of his orange hair and Tobis' small Harry Potter obsession.

Zetsu… Tobi had at least a million for Zetsu. Darling, sweetheart, my love, my dear, _mine_. But no…he wasn't his was he? Both sides of his heart belonged to Hana-chan, it probably always would. And he didn't want to ruin that for him. So for now, Tobi would stick with Oreo-kun and take joy in the fact that he could make Zetsu laugh like that when he heard the name.

**D'aww, bless him XD Yeah, somewhere along the line I thought it a good idea for Sasuke throw cats at Itachi...I think it was a Music Meme So, er, yeah... Bad influence is bad D:**


End file.
